Tangerines and the Magic Feline

by Michael Frissore

There was once a girl named Amy. She was a silly girl, very cute. She rooted for the Dolphins so that she and Mike could win some money. But when they didn’t win, a mean Italian man broke both of Mike’s legs, which made Amy very sad. So she heated up some tea and played with her cats, Basil and Tandy.

Amy ate lots and lots of “oranges”. They were actually tangerines, but, remember, she is quite silly. People called her Tangerine Amy with the Crippled Husband. When Tandy begged for a piece of tangerine, she punched him in the face. Then Basil took a big shit on the floor.

What Amy liked even more than tangerines was karaoke. She would sing karaoke all the time if you let her. She once sang Pat Benatar’s “Heartbreaker” and won a Nobel Prize. Don’t ask me how; it just happened.

Anyway, so Mike was in a wheelchair and Tandy was a constantly abused cat. It may have been Amy’s frustration over her hubby’s situation that made her beat her cat up so much. Why Tandy and not Basil? Especially when Basil was taking such mountainous craps on the rug? Well, it turns out that Basil was a genie. The kind who granted not just three wishes, but anything Amy asked for. So why didn’t she wish for a healed husband? Who knows? Remember, this chick called tangerines oranges.

But then, with Amy watching Monday Night Football, beating one cat, and asking the other for riches beyond her wildest dreams, Mike suddenly got out of his wheelchair and walked. It was a Christmas miracle!

Michael Frissore’s writing has appeared or is forthcoming in

Monkeybicycle, Yankee Pot Roast, Flak Magazine, decomP, and elsewhere. He is a staff writer at The WRIToracle, and a contributor at
Undress Me Robot. He grew up in Massachusetts and now lives in Tucson, Arizona with his wife.

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