Forsaking Corporate
by Larry Gaffney
His employment at the Corporation having reached its breaking point, Myles Dunning arrived at work in a starched white shirt, yellow power tie, propeller beanie, bronco-buster pajama bottoms, and fluffy Bunny slippers. I’ll show them, he thought, striding, briefcase in hand, past the tittering secretaries toward his office.
For the first hour of his day, Myles sat quietly at his desk reading an obscure pamphlet on astral projection. At ten o’ clock he was summoned to the conference room for his presentation to the board of directors. He could not recall what he was supposed to present, but this did not concern him.
“I’m a great admirer of Thomas Pynchon,” he began, as the board members, billionaire CEO included, stared at his outfit in disbelief. “Consequently, I would like to christen all my associates with Pynchonesque monikers.” Facing the man seated at his left, the distinguished attorney Braden Quillington, he said, “Henceforth, you shall be called Geronimo Sangfroid.” He continued in this fashion, conferring upon these august gentlemen such names as Blip Nerdstrom, Basillio Cumquat, and, for the CEO himself, not only a name, but a title: Lee Muria, New-Age Twit.
No one addressed Myles directly, but someone whispered, “He’s gone off his nut.” The CEO was considering a compassionate intervention, but noticed that Myles’s erection had emerged from the aperture of his pajama bottoms. Since he had a great fear of homosexual rape, the CEO called security at once.
Although Myles did not resist, the burleys treated him roughly, holding his arms in a vice grip as they descended the elevator, then frog-marching him out the front entrance and onto the busy sidewalk.
Myles picked up his briefcase, straightened his tie, and reflected upon his good fortune. He was free at last! Unfortunately, at that moment a trio of skinheads came around the corner, their fists aching to bludgeon some character whose general disposition seemed inimical to the standards and practices of the Aryan Brotherhood.
And so Myles’s day took a turn for the worse.
Larry Gaffney’s work has appeared in Rosebud, Opium, Yankee Pot Roast, Light Quarterly, Dark Recesses, & elsewhere. He has been a tennis instructor, sportswriter, and professor of English at Lock Haven University. Sales of his first novel (One Good Year, Level 4 Press, March 2007) have kept him in TiVo for months. At present he is at work on a second novel, Abaddon.